WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
