i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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