i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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