your thong is hanging out like whoa
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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