Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize