Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
