You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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