It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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