It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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