How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
