Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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