not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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