Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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