So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
