but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
