I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
