He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
