Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
