yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize