Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
