Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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