Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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