Kiss
Puke
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
