i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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