Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Found your dick twin last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
