I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
