Moan for me like Helen Keller
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
