Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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