I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
