I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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