I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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