I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
