I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
