Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
