The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
