I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
