I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
