I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
