Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found puke in my bra..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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