The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
