Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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