Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
