Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize
