too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
