she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
