you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's blow job season.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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