My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
where am i from again
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
