it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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