no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
