Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
