So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
