If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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