Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
