Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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