The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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