My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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