I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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