Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
