Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
