I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
