i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
