Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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