I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
