he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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