It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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