Can Purell be used as lube?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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