big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wish my penis had a tongue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
