im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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