you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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