but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
