Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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