girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
